“God, Spence you feel so good.” ‘Spence? Huh?’

I look up into grey eyes and open my eyes in shock. “Hey,” she reaches out to touch my face and I jump away. “Whoa, you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“You’re not Spe- I mean um. No. No, everything’s okay.” I lean back in to kiss her for reassurance and she gently moves me against the door and ravishing my neck. I’m sure that’ll leave a mark.

”Ash, not too rough. I don’t want my mom to see your love bites all over my neck and it’s too hot to wear turtlenecks.”

I roughly push Courtnie off of me and try to unlock the door from behind me but she grabs me. “What the hell? Seriously, I’m doing some of my best work here Ashley. What’s your deal?”

“It’s nothing. I just-I-um-I have to go. I’m sorry.” I reach the latch on the door and release it while grabbing my shirt and throwing it over my head as I leave a bewildered looking and frustrated Courtnie in the bathroom. I make my way towards the front of the club and out the doors. By this time I’m sprinting because I can’t do this here. Not in public, where everyone can see. This is not me. “Fuck!” I yell as the tears start to fall rapidly from my eyes and down to my tank. I make it to my car and shut myself in letting the storm take over me.

This hasn’t happened in so long and I thought I was okay. The connection was there. Why me? That’s why I never fuck blondes. She’s fucked me for the rest of my life. I can’t even enjoy one of the hottest women I’ve ever seen because she’s still invading my mind.

After about half an hour of trying to calm myself I start the car and call one of the guys to let them know I was safe and heading home. This is gonna be a long night. I need junk food.

…I have a disease and it’s called Spenceritis. Anytime I touched a hot blonde that wasn’t her I’d always go back to a time when we were together. Then I’d always come back to the reality of some random slut sucking on some part of my body with a mouth that wasn’t Spencer’s and I’d push them away roughly only offering an ‘I’m sorry’ as reason and running away in a sweat.

I’m dozing now but still not sleeping. I guess nothing isn’t always a bad thing to think about. The past can’t haunt you when there’s nothing running through your head.