My head was spinning,
this is just to much for
me to deal with. It feels like the entire world that I have come to know and sometimes love has gone away in the blink of an eye. I feel like I am slipping away into the shell of a girl that once was.


I know you think I am being dramatic, but think about it really. The secret you have been hidding from your father and brothers has finally come out after eight years of dealing with it and processing it by yourself. But in a way you never actually dealt with it cause you were to busy just keeping it to yourself. Fucked up huh? So now that everything is finally out in the open and only because the bastard was murdered, because if he was still alive there is no telling how long I could have keep this to myself.



So where do I go from here? What do I do? How do I cope? All valid questions. My answer, Ashley Davies! I’m quite positive she can’t fix all that ale’s me, but she can damn well come close, and that’s much more then I have going for me by myself. Soo do I give this thing between ash and me a shot, or do I run away from the one constant thing I have had in my entire life?



“hey there sweet cheeks, how was your nap?



“he’s gone ash. He is actually gone. I start to sob and she takes me in her arms and just holds me until I get everthing out.



” The one I have had constant nightmares about, the one who almost ruined my life is dead, and I will never be able to look at him in the face and yell. And scream and tell him what a disgusting piece of shit he is for taking a little girls innocence and trying to break her. But do you know what gives me closure is the fact that he is going to burn in hell for what he did”


” I know. I know baby, shh spence its okay let it all out I’m here, he can never hurt you again.



“its just..I trail off not finishing my sentence.



“its just what? She whispers in my ear.



“how can you like me? I mean I am soo fucked up ash, I don’t want you to have to deal with me and my bullshit.


“spence, how can I not? I mean take this for example, you have been through so much and yet all your thinking about is my safety and comfort. You deserve happiness and I want that for you, if you find that in someone else who isn’t me I will accept it because your happiness is my everything….but I won’t like it. Haha



“ash I can honestly say you make me happy. I am happiest when I am with you, its just..i think I need to straighten some
Things out with my family and myself before I can fully committ to anything or anyone for that matter.



“spence I understand, I do, just know that I’m not going anywhere. I will never leave you or stop protecting you.



” I wouldn’t have it any other way ash.



“soo…car acident huh? At least he got what he deserved!


“ash about that, I want to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth.


“okay spence, what is it?


“um I know this sounds crazy, but you wouldn’t have had anything at all to do with his car’s brake line, would you? I say in almost a whisper dreading the answer..



She looks directly in my eyes and it causes me to shiver from the intense stare.


She opens her mouth to speak and is interupted by a knock at my bedroom door.



“come in..I say with a sigh.



“sweetheart, oh Ashley I’m sorry I didn’t know you were still here.



“its okay Mr c, I can go if you need to talk to Spencer.



“no ash please stay, and you are more then welcome to spend the night if its okay with your mom.



“thanks a lot mr c.



“no problem. Ah spence, I just wanted to let you know that I talked to a theripist friend of mine and I scheduled an appointment for you this week Thursday okay?



“okay dad, but do you really think it will help?



“we have got to do something, and I can’t let you try and do this on your own anymore. We are all here to support and help you now kiddo.



I got up off the bed and gave my father a huge hug.



“thank you for believing me daddy, and trying to help.



“Spencer, you had no reason to lie, of course I would believe you. You did nothing wrong.



“I love you dad.



“I love you more kiddo, and don’t worry she is a great lady, you will like her.


Alright ill let you get back to your talk with Ashley. Goodnight you two.



“goodnight mr c, thanks again.



He shut the door behind him and I got up to lock it, I was hoping to get no more interuptions.



“you were saying ash…I can see her start to tear up. I grab he hand and give it a gentle squeeze.




“um yea well spence, its like this……






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