Heavily Broken (Chapter 1)

            The sun had just started to rise over the electric blue waves that were crashing down upon the soft brown sand.  The sun looked as if it was emerging from the deep depths of the ocean itself.  Hiding its warm bright rays of light underneath the surface, until it decides to grace the world again with its presence.

            I sat there on the cool sand watching the sun rise from its hiding place and I couldn’t help but envy it because unlike the sun I had no place to hide and get away.  How much I desired to immerse myself into the abyss of the ocean.  Never to be seen or heard from again.  It’s not like anyone would actually cared if I just disappeared one day.  Nobody probably even noticed that I didn’t go home last night or the night before.  My mother is probably basking in my absence.  Now that my dad is gone there is no reason that I can think of to return to the house that no longer feels like my home.  Eventually I’m going to have to return and face that monstrosity of a mother.  If you could even call her a mother, I think that a better name for her would be an incubator.  Sure she gave birth to me, but after that she went on with her life as if I never existed.  As for my dad, well he wasn’t the world’s greatest dad, but I loved and admired him with all of my heart.  You see my dad was a very famous rock legend, known as Raife Davies. 

            At first my dad would always come home on my birthday or on the holidays, but then he started to get deeper into the life of a rock star.  He eventually became addicted to cocaine, alcohol, and sex.  Then I would only see him about 2 or 3 times a year, and our relationship suffered.  I never stopped loving him because he was all I had left, even if he wasn’t always there for me, he was still my daddy.  I remember that if I ever wanted to see him that I would have to watch Mtv or Vh1.

            So that brings us back to the present, I’ve been sitting here on a very exclusive part of the beach all night long just thinking about my life.  I don’t understand why my mom doesn’t love me and why my father had to become so addicted to cocaine that he had to overdose on it 2 days ago.  What did I ever do to deserve this kind of treatment from the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally and to be there for me through thick and thin.  I’m not going to lie, I have been crying all night and my face is all blotchy and my mascara is running down my face.  I really don’t know what I am doing here or how long I’m going to be here, all I know is that I have to move on with my life and forget my past.  Simply because the past is too painful to remember.

            I slip my ipod out of my purse and push the shuffle button, music always seems to make me feel better no matter what the situation is.  The first song that plays is Heavily Broken by the Veronicas.

"Heavily Broken"

Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I’ve had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it’s so unfair

Any day it’ll all be over
Everyday there’s nothing new
And now I just try to find some hope
To try and hold on to
But it starts again, It’ll never end

I’m heavily broken
And I don’t know what to do
Can’t you see that I’m choking
And I can’t even move

When there’s nothing left to say
What can you do
I’m heavily broken
And there’s nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I’ve gotta keep on fighting
But then again It doesn’t end

I’m heavily broken
And I don’t know what to do
It just seems like I’m choking
And I can’t even move

When there’s nothing left to say
What can you do? I’m heavily broken
And there’s nothing I can do

Feels like I’m drowning
I’m screaming for air
(Screaming for air)
Louder, I’m crying
And you don’t even care

I’m heavily broken
And I don’t know what to do
Can’t you see that I’m choking
And I can’t even move
(What can I do)

When there’s nothing left to say
What can you do
I’m heavily broken

I’m heavily broken
And I don’t know what to do
Can’t you see that I’m choking
And I can’t even move

When there’s nothing left to say
What can you do
I’m heavily broken [x3]

          When the song ended, I finally decided to go home and face the facts that my dad was really gone and that my mother would probably kick me out as soon as I turn 18.