“Oh my god. Oh my god.”

“Spence-“

“Oh my god. Oh my god.”

“Spencer-“

“Oh my god. Oh my god.”

“SPENCER!” Ashley yelled as she covered her girlfriend’s mouth with her hand and pushed her down on her bed. “Shut up! You seriously need to calm down.”

“’Calm down?’ You’re not the one who just saw your brother naked. Having sex. With Aiden. It’s a very traumatic experience.”

“Well, Aiden’s like my brother.”

Spencer just stared at her.

“Okay, maybe it’s not the same. But you know what? If we had just stuck to our ORIGINAL PLAN, we wouldn’t have had to witness Glen and Aiden’s little fuck fest.”  

“Ugh, I know. I’m sorry, baby.”

“As you should be.” Suddenly, Ashley’s face lit up. “Hey, I just realized something.”

“What’s that?”

“Glen and Aiden had sex.”

“Yeah…”

“You know what this means right?”

“Um, no?”

“Glen’s a total fag! Not only that, he’s a bottom! Ha!”

“Okay…”

“Spence, do not tell me you’re going to pass up this opportunity!”

“What opportunity?”

“’What opportunity?’ Spence, your brother is gay. G-A-Y. All that shit he gave us? All those “dykes”, “lesbos”, or his ever original one for me “whore”, we can use this for total payback!”

“I don’t really see where you going with this.”

“Oh my god, I can’t wait to call him a fairy in front of the basketball team!”

“Ashley, no.”

“Why not?”

“Because. We both hate it so much when make fun of us for being gay. Do you really wanna put someone else through that?”

“Yes, it’s Glen.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. He’s been a real asshole to both of us, and I’m definitely gonna have a talk with him. But calling him a fag won’t help anything.”

“Ugh, fine Spencer, whatever. But, oh my god, I just realized something else!”

“What?”

“Your mom’s gonna flip when she finds out both kids she gave birth to are freakin queers. She’s probably gonna think she gave you guys the gene or something. Then she’s gonna call up some priest to have you all exorcised.”

“Hey, don’t make fun of my mom so much.”

“Cheer up a little Spencer. You’re so lame.”

“Don’t insult me!”

“Well it’s true!”

“Fine,” said Spencer. “But the more you’re mean to me, the less willing I’ll be to finish what we started earlier.”