“ Well as it happens, mum decided to invite the son of one of her friends. To set up with me. She always does it and I am just so god damn sick of it. I didn’t want her to know I’m gay because of her strong religious beliefs, but because of her being push, push, push I just snapped. In front of my 2 brothers, my mum and dad, this random guy I just came out with it. ‘Mum stop this setting up business! You know why I hate it and why it never works?? I’M GAY mum, I like girls not boys. If you ever set me up with another guy again I would go mental! ’ she just wouldn’t believe what I was saying.”

Taking a break from talking Spencer took a long drag from her cigarette and looked straight in my eyes. “ The funny thing is… I’m more than capable of finding love on my own.”

I didn’t know what to say. Her eyes pierced me to the core. I could feel the walls around my heart being demolished by this soul-piercing gaze, the ice around my frozen heart starting to warm and melt away. I knew I was opening myself up to the chance of hurt again, but I think it was time. Time to take down these barriers and let myself care about things again.

“Well I think you may find love where you least expect it.” I stared right back. She broke the gaze and looked at her watch. “ As much as I’d love to stay and talk all night, I have to go. Its getting late and I gotta go to work tomorrow.”

“Well you know where I am if you ever wanna chat again. I do know how you are feeling though. When I came out I thought I wouldn’t ever be happy.” I winked at her as she got her things ready to go.

“Well Ashley, I’ll definitely be around another time. I actually enjoyed myself when I thought this day was the worst. I think It might turn out to be the best.” She winked at me, turned and walked out the door.

Am I really ready for this? Snap out of it. Its just a girl who happens to like girls as well. You’re just friends and that’s all it will be. I just don’t want to be hurt like I was when Grace died.