Ashley stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. She didn’t take another step though and I went and sat on my bed. The silence that filled the room was tense and I debated with myself on what to say, because this was it. I was going to put it all out there and hope for the best. I took a deep beathe and looked at her.
     "I’m supposed to hate you, you know." She looked away from the floor and to me.
     "You should. I…"
     "But I don’t." I cut her off. "I can’t. I want to but I just can’t." I said, finaly placing my elbow on my knees and my head in my hands. I heard her walk over to me then felt the bed sink next to me. She wrapped her arms around me and I leaned into her embrace.
     "I’m glad you don’t hate me." she said in a soothing tone and began to rub small circles on my lower back. I don’t know what came over me. I twsited in her arms, grabbed the back of her head and smashed our lips together.
     She resisted at first, but this was familiar territory for both of us and she soon relaxed. My hand eventually left the back of her head and made its way down. I broke the kiss and moved to her neck. To her pulse point, aiming to mark her as mine. Just like we used to. But this wasn’t the love filled passion we used to have. This was more angry and all the pent up emotions we could share with anyone else were coming out to play.
     "Sp-Spencer . . . " she stuttered. I silenced her with my lips. My hand made its way to the top of her jeans and deftly undone them. I pulled the sipper down before I slipped of the bed and onto my knees in front of her.
     "Stop." she said, which caught me off guard. I looked up at her puzzled, but she didn’t say anything else. I stood slowly, leaning into her, efectively ake her lie back on the bed. Once my face was even with hers, both our breaths were ragged.
      "Why?" I asked.. My hand slipped under her jeans and the band of her undies. "You want it." I said once I felt what I knew would be there. She closed her eyes and swallowed.
     "Just because I want it, it doesn’t mean I’m going to do it." she said and reached down and extracted my hand from her atogether. She lightly shoved on my shoulder and I rolled off her. She stood and buttoned her pants. "What came over you?" she asked.
     "You said no." was all I could get out. It was all new to me. Ashley had never said no to anyone. And it finally sunk in. I was right, she had changed. Was that the reason for my actions? Did I subconsciously find a way to see if I would get hurt again? Then again, this meant nothing. Jus because she wouldn’t have sex with me now, doesn’t mean she won’t with some other girl. "Why?" I had to ask.
     "You know why." was all she said.
     "No I don’t." I stood and walked over to her. I didn’t even know where this side of me was coming from. "Is it because you don’t love me?" I knew it wasn’t true but I couldn’t stop myslef before the words escaped my lips.
     "You know it’s not. You know I love you, Spencer. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t"
     "They why." I asked again, now staring at the floor. I just occured to me that I may not want to know the answer to that.
     "Because you’re upset. And I know you. This isn’t what you want. Not this way. Not now." she said and I flung my arms around her neck and she pulled me tighter to her and this felt like the world to me. I began crying into her shirt and she just kissed the top of my head and walked us back over to the bed. So much for getting it all out there tonight.