When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can’t replace
And now that I’m stronger I’ve figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I’ll find deep inside me I can be the one

I was trying to be better for her. I wasn’t ready to open up and be in a relationship with her, but if I didn’t try then I’d lose her. I couldn’t be what she needed, but I had to prove that I could at least take care of her.

I will never let you fall
I’ll stand up with you forever
I’ll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

I had this song I wrote for her, but… I, I wasn’t ready to show her… There was a lot that I wasn’t ready to show her, like my heart, but I could at least let show her part of it.

It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I’ll be the one

I still wasn’t sure about this relationship though… I knew what they said about me. I wasn’t a cool rebel; I was a feared one. Spencer knew some of what they said; she didn’t know everything though…

My parole officer had called again, apparently when the judge tells you to do community service, you’re suppose to do it and “not act like an ungrateful punk”. I told her that I wasn’t acting; it just came naturally.

“Ashley, where have you been?” I could recognize Spencer even through my slightly inebriated state. Adjusting the cell phone by my ear, I replied trying to sound sober.

“Just hanging out at Junnies.”

“Uh?”

“It’s a store. You buy things, CDs, DVDs, porn.”

“You’re buying porn?” She sounded pissed. Oooops.

“No… just sayin’. You can get it ‘ere.” I pushed myself off the couch in the corner and started to flip through different CDs. My adult friend owned it, wow, that sounds like she pays me to have sex… she doesn’t FYI.

“Why haven’t you been at school? I’ve been worried.”

“Uh, I couldn’t tell. This is the first time you’ve called. I haven’t been there for almost two weeks.” I replied while looking at a CD by The Spill Canvas before tossing it onto the couch behind me.