The brunette understood.

“Oh, Spencer…” she trailed off as she reached out and rubbed the other girl’s arm, softly. She felt horrible for losing control. “I’m so sorry, I had no right to talk to you that way.”

“Yes, you did,” the younger girl corrected. She pulled out of her girlfriend’s reach. “You had every right to put me in my place. I’m just so used to not having to hide anything. I never do, but this is, like, epic and I can’t tell anyone, Ash…no one. I’m not used to having the stress of keeping major secrets, so I obviously don’t handle it very well.”

“But why didn’t you just tell me what was bothering you?”

“I don’t know,” Spencer said, as more tears gathered in her eyes. “I didn’t want to put the stress on you…”

“Baby, I could have helped…”

Shaking her head, the blonde replied, “No, you couldn’t have.” She wiped at her eyes and sniffled. “I’m sick of this secret. I just feel like I’m hurting people. I don’t know why. I’m lying to my parents, and they don’t deserve that.” She looked away from Ashley as she spoke. “They ask me where I’m going, and I have to lie about that or just lie about the reason. And I just feel like…like it’s just wrong and I’m hurting everyone with my lies. Mom, Dad, everyone. Even me…I hurt, Ash.”

“Spence…”

Spencer looked back at Ashley, her eyes slightly red and puffy from threatening tears. “Keeping this a secret is like I’m admitting it’s wrong. I don’t want it to be wrong. I just can’t do it anymore…”

Ashley winced at the girl’s words and sat back down on the couch. After a few moments, she said, “You want to end it…don’t you.”

“What?”

“Us, Spence…you want to break up.”

Spencer’s eyes widened. “No!” She rushed over to the couch and sat next to the other girl. She put her hands on either side of her face and forced her to look her in the eye. “God, no, Ashley. I love you. Okay? I love you. I just don’t know what to do. I’m at such a loss…”

“Then we can tell them…” Ashley suggested.

The blonde wrapped her arms around herself. The threatening tears pried their way through, and she could no longer hold them back. “I don’t know if I can. I’m just so scared.” She choked on a small sob but continued to speak, nonetheless. “All my life, I’ve been taught that a thing like this was wrong. Not frowned upon, wrong.”