It’s getting worse and I can’t get into a fight every time to make it stop and being sent to his office all the time. No can do.

I have to think of something else. I want to the bathroom looking through all the cabinets. Then I saw it;

My razor.

‘You really are insane’ that will do nicely. At first I didn’t know how to do it right, cutting too weakly or too strongly and in places everyone could see. But the moment I felt that blade cut through my skin if felt wonderful like a relief. I controlled it I was giving myself the amount of pain I wanted… it was great and as the time went by I was a master at it. It stopped the voices and I didn’t even care about Walter any more.

The doctors he sent in came and went they all sucked every one with the same technique. I fooled them so easily, until she came along…

Her name was Martha and she was a cold hurtles bitch. Kind of like me, but worse…

I was lying on the sofa confessing bullshit promising to never do sin again when suddenly she grabbed me leg, lifting my pants up. She saw the cuts on my thigh. I was quickly on my feet.

"I cut myself shaving." I said. Shit I didn’t even believe that and it’s my lie…

"Umm…" she said sitting back down and gesturing me to do the same. she had short gray colored hair and glasses that looked bigger then her face.

"I think you take me for a fool. Angel is it?" she asked. She was the first to acknowledge my name.

"I’m not like the other doctors I have more means then just talking." She said. I didn’t know what she meant as she was guiding me to a different room. She kept talking as we were walking.

"See I don’t think you are faking it. I think you really are a different person then Spencer." Well at least she’s smart. "And that’s why fixing you will be more difficult." ‘Can she make the voices go away and not come back?’

We got there it was dark I could hardly see a thing but a bed in the center of the room and some machines next to it. She told me to lie on the bed. I didn’t want to but I knew she’ll only call someone and they’ll force me to so I did.

She was looking for something in the drawers. When she found it she came back next to me. She took my hand and before I got to say anything she gave me a shot.

"Hey what is that?!" I asked annoyed.

"Just something to help you relax" she said. And I started to feel woozy. I felt her tying me down to the bed then she went outside to get someone. I tried talking but she put something in my mouth. I felt something being placed all over my body… ‘What’s going on’ I wondered and it was the first time I was really afraid.    

Then I felt it, a paralyzing jolt all through my body, again and again. ‘Shocks! They are giving me electrical shocks?!"  It hurt like hell… I was out of it in seconds, but somehow I could still see my body…

I don’t know when it was over. I didn’t feel my body being dragged back to my room. I just saw it like a movie that had nothing to do with me. She called it ‘a way to free my mind.’ Unlike Walter she wasn’t weak or maniacal. She was like a machine and that’s what scared me. My begging didn’t help or my cries for help. Week after week different meds injected to me. She wasn’t joking; talking wasn’t really her thing… soon the voices came back but they weren’t alone… with them came the seizures; I would shake in cold sweat and scream, usually till I’d black out…

I have to get out of here! My razor is not enough to make this go away…