But, Spencer. Just Spencer.

"That’s all you have to say? You dont have anything to say to me Spencer?"

If I looked over at Karen, I’m sure she’d looked puzzled, because she probably has no idea who I am or what Spencer and I have been through. I mean, she did say "ew" to me and Spencer is pretending to be homophobic, so I’m assuming that the blonde hasnt told her anything about us.

"Get out of my face."

"Why do you hate me?" Now, I really wish that I could control what I know is about to happen, but theres no use. This happens whenever I get really low and think about what went wrong between the two of us. I would lock myself in my room and cry until it hurt. I would go crazy and scream and throw things, break things. My temper was heated but my body was completely numb and it felt like I was outside this situation, looking down on it, as if it couldnt possibly be real.

"Why did you stop talking to me, huh? What, wasnt good enough for you, huh!" I must be scaring her and I dont blame her for feeling that way because I keep squeezing her even harder, and I wont stop. "Who the fuck do you think you are, Spencer? Treating me like I’m shit. Don’t you remember anything? Or are you just that stupid!"

I keep going on and going, throwing out any words that I can think of. I just want to know what was going through her head when she stopped talking to me. When she completely abandoned me. Her friend is still there, and shes trying to calm me down. Well, not really calm me down, shes yelling at me and calling me names, teling me that her friend is in pain and that she doesnt need this right now.

I care to disagree, as I think she absolutely needs this now. Infact, I hope these words replay in her head everyday for the rest of her life.

"I hate you," she whispers, but its in such a cold tone.

Before I know whats going on, she pushes me so hard that I fall backwards, onto the cool, hard cement. Luckily, I land on my hands. And when she runs away, I dont bother speaking anymore or calling after her, because I know it wont do any good. Karen rushes to follow her friend, and I’m left there, all alone.

I don’t get up, and it doenst even matter to me if a car comes or not. I just lay my head back, so that I’m outside in the cold, lying on the ground. The images are racing through my mind. I cant help but wonder whats going to happen when Spencer goes inside that party. She’ll probably find that guy and she’ll probably let him fuck her, even though I know he just sees her as another piece of meat, something to conquer.

And she’ll lie there, letting him get pleasure, while shes in pain, because I know shes not happy with him.

And her friend will be there for her after its over, and hes done with her. She’ll take her out to lunch or they’ll go shopping and they’ll pass a lesbian couple and the girl will make a nasty comment, and my Spencer will just sit back and agree with it because thats what society has told her to do.

And then I think about me, and how I’ll grow old and never settle down. I’ll just keep fucking girls, because I want sex, and I sure as hell wont allow myself to open up to any girls ever again. Not with what happened with Spencer. And pretty soon, thats all I’ll have. Memories of me fucking random girls.

And Spencer will grow old, and maybe she’ll marry that guy. He’ll say that hes changed and she’ll believe him because shes an idiot now. He wont change though, he’ll keep cheating on her. And Spencer will keep putting up with it. And I can see an even older version of her, in bed with him, looking up at him and wishing he was female.

Great life.