His hands on her shoulders,

his mouth whispering something in her ear,

his hands on my best friend.

His hands feeling MY Girl. I was seething.

No matter how hard I closed my eyes his hand crept father and farther up her leg.

“Stop!,” I screamed dropping the blade and bringing my hand to cover my face.

“Spence?” Ashley stated standing in the door frame.

“Ash,” I sobbed not wanting to turn around just to be disappointed by an illusion.

“What are you doing?” Her voice sounded so sad. It broke my heart even more, if that was even possible.

Oh god I can’t let her see me like this. I don’t want to freak her out. Think, think, think!

“Nothing,” I mumbled keeping my back to her.

“Spence look at me,” Ashley demanded.

“I can’t,” I whispered.

“Let me see,” she urged. She knew. She took a few steps towards me hesitantly. “Spence let me see,” she demanded with a little more force.

“Ash I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I turned towards her. The blood was now dripping on to the tile floor.

“Oh god Spencer!” She grabbed the roll of toilet paper trying to stop the bleeding. I just stood there in a still frame watching it all unfold. Next thing I knew she was bandaging up my torn up arm. When I snapped out of my trance I was sitting between Ashley’s legs. Her arms were around me. One hand playing with the bandage. I could tell she was upset, frustrated, disappointed.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” she whispered. I couldn’t reply. It hurt too much to see her in this much pain, and I was the cause of it. I caused so much of her pain, when I was suppose to be the one taking it away.

“Why,” she asked again. “Spencer answer me,” she demanded.

“Because I don’t know what else to do,” I admitted unable to pick my gaze up off the floor.

“You stop. That’s what you do,” Ashley stated like the answer was obvious.

“It’s not that easy,” I replied getting upset.

“Spencer I don’t know how to help you anymore.” Ashley’s voice died out towards the end of her statement, as I imagine her browns orbs did.

“What do you mean?” I asked fearfully.

“You keep going back to this self destructive behavior. You’re hurting yourself, and I’m so afraid your going to go too far some day. And that message you left me scared the shit out of me. It hurts me don’t you get that?” Tears were now streaming down her face matching the ones flowing down mine.

“I just want you around,” I sobbed. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

“I can’t sit here and watch you do this to yourself Spence.” Ashley shook her head. “Just tell me how I can help y ou. Tell me how I can get you to stop. Is that even possible Spence?”

“I just need you.”

“I’m right here.”

“That’s not what I mean,” I said getting upset and standing to my feet. She mirrored my actions gett up and and looking me in the eye.

“Then tell me what the hell you mean cause apparently I’m just not getting it!” Ashley yelled.

“Don’t you get it? I LOVE YOU!”