Eventually Friday night came. Simon had called every night to make sure I was coming. Eric found this unnecessary. I found this guilt making, and each time only added to the bitter mix of emotions in my heart. I was alone to get ready, and was facing a very typical standing helplessly in front of closet and throwing clothes around moment. I was still a woman. I ended up wearing the black skinny jeans with a purple tee shirt and scarf. I decided sneakers would make the outfit casual enough. Then Eric came pulling up in another fancy car. Yellow this time.
    “You know I know you’re not buying these you know” I said as I climbed into the black leather interior. He smiled and took my hand leaning in. I kissed him, and in the moment it was only him. He was my love. Then he pulled away and I remembered how it had felt when Simon had kissed me. I shot the picture dead.    
    “I never said I was buying them” he said. I smiled and he drove to the Baltic Room. 
The Baltic Room was as familiar as ever, the only difference as always, was the band. I went in and took Eric’s hand as I pretended to lead him to our table. As I was going to sit down Simon hopped up and enveloped me into a huge hug, which became awkward when he found out I was holding Eric’s hand. He looked over at Eric, and I was surprised to find he was on eye level with him. Eric just jutted out his chin in a stubborn acknowledgement of his presence. Simon let go and I couldn’t help but giggle at the situation, and expressions on both of the men’s faces. None of them found it funny.
    “Who’s this?” Simon said gruffly.
    “Err…Simon. This is…Meet Eric” I said shifting awkwardly.
    “Hi. Eric?” Simon said, making it sound like a rude question. I met his beautiful blue eyes for a second and then his eyes dropped to look at our hands which were still interlaced. I walked over, Eric following, and we sat down at the table who I just now realized was watching the testosterone show. Haley was hiding giggles. Juliet looked worried. The rest of the girls were staring at Eric, and the rest of the guys were looking confused, or hiding their confusion behind a beer glass. Then the silence erupted into greetings. Simon still standing, sat down opposite me and locked me in a stare that I was refusing to meet. This was worse than I’d imagined. Eric was glaring at Simon. Then the band started and Eric wasted no time in pulling me up to dance. And I danced, like I always danced. I forgot where I was, and who I was with. It no longer mattered. Suddenly I looked up, thirsty and realized it was Simon who I was dancing with. I looked around for Eric but he wasn’t anywhere useful. Simon recognizing my glance around grabbed my face and pulled me gently to meet his gaze.
    “Hello Jane” he said sweetly, and I couldn’t help but smile stupidly
    “Hi.” I said.
    “You don’t give a guy a chance do you?” he said pulling on my hand gently to guide me to a seat away from the dancers. I sat with him, and he kept my hand.
    “What do you mean?” I asked. Knowing exactly what he meant.
    “Well….” Simon was running true to his shy nature. I called it shy when I liked him, when I was mad at him, it was just cowardice. “Jane.” he said quietly.
    “So much has happened. I wish I could tell you…its just…insane” He said.
    “What Simon?” I asked caught off guard by his sad tone.
    “Well, first you should know, I still love you, never didn’t” he said looking into my eyes. Oh. Crap. “And the rest….” he just looked down and I reached for him. He looked up hopefully. I was the one leaning in and he wasn’t leaning away, then he leaned in. And I was lost in his kiss, so gentle, and I could feel his love, and compassion through the kiss, it wasn’t like the passionate and almost painful kisses with Eric. I pulled back gasping.
    “Eric!” I thought aloud. Simon had his eyes closed. Where was Eric? Hadn’t he read this in my mind? Wasn’t he furious? Was he planning Simon’s murder? Mine? I was panicked again. Guilty and panicked. Simon finally opened his eyes and looked around not meeting my gaze.
    “Sorry…I knew you and err. Eric were a thing…And  I kissed you anyway. I think he’s..” he trailed off looking around the room. Eric wasn’t anywhere. That much was clear. I risked trying to call out to him, picturing him in my mind. No Eric. I shrugged. Simon walked away, and I was too conflicted and guilty to stop him like I wanted to. The thing was. Loving two people, loving too many people, changed you. I was Simon’s Jane sometimes. Eric’s Jane sometimes. Andrew’s Jane sometimes etc. I didn’t know who I was. Maybe that’s why all my relationships had failed. I sat there truly wondering for the first time in years if my life was really just pointless and end-able. I’d been down this road before. All my life had been like this. My teens too. The dramatic Jane in her teens had been through that. One night I had made the decision, done it. Swallowed as many pain meds as I could find. It had been pain, and hospital. And life. Afterwards, I knew I was selfish. I was a pleaser. I truly just wanted to make people happy, and despite my beliefs occasionally, people would be in pain if I died. So whenever the thought even suggested to come, I’d block it. Stop thinking down the road, until eventually the thoughts went away. It took this to bring them back? Just another conflicted decision? Was this time more? Would I be able to make the decision…my vampire lover or the man I loved.
    “Jane” the husky, but smooth dripping honey voice was unmistakable. And I started to cry. Then I looked up. Eric’s eyes. His face. Screaming a mirror of mine; Guilt, anger, grief. I didn’t understand. I looked deep into his eyes his…..red eyes. And I stopped crying.