–

-Helena stomps off to the drinks counter. And then there was silence…-

Bette: I guess the warehouse optimization didn’t turn out correct after all. (nods) Yupz, Computer Modeling is hard.

***a long while later*** Someone has a realization.

Bette (turns to Shane, and says cautiously): I theeenk she’s mad at me.

Alice: You Airhead, Peabrain and Numbskull! Are you dense or dense?

Shane: Go after her!

Bette: Don’t want! What for? She’s just buying coffee, she’ll be back.

Alice (righteously): You must! You have to! That’s what they normally do in sappy romance dramas!

Bette: What do I say? I don’t know what to say! What should I say? What must I say? What CAN I say?

Alice: Just say anything! Let her know that her nipples are cute and brown!

Shane: Tell her you’ve a crush on her!

Alice: Confess that you’re obsessing over her perky boobs or something…

Bette: I can’t! I WON’T! What if I get skewered?  I think I’ll just send her an email later…

Alice (huffily): You non-confrontational douchebag you…

Bette: Ok ok, I’ll text her now.

-Pause- Bette mysteriously notices two pairs of eyes scrutinizing her from top to bottom.

Bette: What… WHAT?!? (raising her voice)

-more silence, the two pairs of eyes still glaring at Bette.- (It IS indeed getting a little creepy.)

Bette (reluctantly): Alright, alright, I’ll do it…

Bette sneaks up to Helena, who is waiting for her drinks.

Before her, across a vast field lay a dark, gloomy forest and atop a knoll in … brink of the black, ominous clouds that swallowed the top of the mountain. The sky is dark and overcast. Huge grey clouds fill the sky above, threatening heavy rain at some point today.

(For Helena, it is the perfect excuse to sulk in a corner. In fact, she’s a little upset that Bette took so long to arrive.)

Bette (helplessly): Helena, don’t go! You know it’s thanksgiving and all… You’re the one I want…

-Looks deeply into Helena’s eyes, and pulls her in closer, until their breasts are touching. (Recap: Chapter 2, Bette WAS talking about *someone’s* breasts) Helena did not resist.-

Bette: You’re the only person I need…

-With a deadpan expression, Bette leans towards Helena’s ear and whispers.-

Bette: To pull me out of this… this… this… predicament. I bought a 24 lb. turkey. The instructions say to cook for 8 hrs. at 350 degrees. Would it be OK to cook it for 2 hrs. at 1400 degrees?

(Author’s note: I tried that before!!! You can guess the result. Both with the turkey and the girlfriend.)

Helena: Huh? (mutters under her breath.) What an idiot…

Shane: Oh… man… sweatdrop…

Bette (Grabbing Helena who is trying to walk away): Wait! Wait! Let me deliver the punchline! I have a kiln!

Helena glares at Bette and continues to walk further.

Bette (in desperation): Honestly! It’s in the pottery room! I’ll cross my heart and swear! How can a Porter do without a kiln?

Helena: …

Alice: Yes, she really has a kiln!

Alice (she’s trying to help): She’s not lying! My turkey is not defrosted yet!

Helena glares at Alice and Shane in total disbelief.

Bette (To herself): Oh no, look what I’ve done… she’s truly angry now, I’m so super duper screwed…

Bette (in a small voice, looking down at the hem of Helena’s skirt): Look! I’m really sorry about last night okay?