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    I shouldn’t be allowed to watch season 3!!!

    Story written on June 11, 2006 by Seahurst.
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    Number of Comments: 38
    Words: 5469
    Story Shortlink: https://mail.assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=61277
    Author Notes:

    “Which brings us to the question Tina, what exactly did happen to all that money you made while we were together?”

    Tina quietly closed the door behind her and stared at the man who was sitting on the edge of the bed she had shared with Bette for seven years.

    ‘What?’ Tina thought. ‘Dammit! Who wrote that? Could you please get it out of my head, cause right now I’m not thinking about Bette!’


    (Sorry Tina, we wrote it, and it stays. Now…on with the story.)


    Her eyes were glazed over, and a lite sheen of sweat glistened on her upper lip and forehead in anticipation of what she had been waiting months for…real, live, man penis! Not rubber…not silicone…but real, in the flesh, balls and all…man penis!!! She licked her lips as she stared at his crotch.

    "Are they asleep?" He asked quietly. Not saying anything, Tina just nodded her head as she whipped her top off, unzipping her jeans at the same time. "Hurry up Henry, take your clothes off! You know we don’t have much time!"

    "What? Why?" Henry asked as he jumped up off the bed like it was on fire. "Is Bette coming home?"

    "Bette?" Tina asked in frustration. "Didn’t I just say that I wasn’t thinking about Bette right now!! Jesus Christ! Can’t I get just one good man fuck in without everyone talking about Bette?!"

    "What?" Henry asked confused. "When did you say you weren’t thinking about Bette right now? I didn’t hear you say anything about Bette."

    "Dammit Henry, I just said it. I’m not thinking about Bette right now!!"

    "But…but you said, "Didn’t I just say that I wasn’t thinking about Bette right now?", and I’m saying that I didn’t hear you say anything about Bette."

    "Henry what in the fuck are you talking about?"


    (Uh Tina, I think you were talking to us when you said you weren’t thinking about Bette right now.)


    "Oh yeah that’s right."

    "Huh?" Henry asked as he was trying to pull down his pants. "What’s right?"

    "What’s right? What…What are you talking about Henry?"

    "Dammit Tina, you just said, ‘oh yeah that’s right.’ So, I’m asking, what’s right?"

    "Dammit Henry! I wasn’t talking to you!! Geez!!"


    (Uh Henry, that was us she was talking to.)


    Henry snapped his head up and whipped it around, trying to figure out where that voice was coming from. ‘Us? Who’s us?’ He thought. Warily he looked around the room again. Not hearing anything else, he decided that maybe he was just hearing things. Looking at Tina, he asked, "Was I right? Is Bette coming home soon?"

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    Comments

    2. I’ve onyl read a few paragraphs and i’m already rolling. MAN PENIS!!!! xD As opposed to woman penis? O.o Love love LOVE your sense of humor, woman. I only hope my soul mate has the same sense of humor. And now, on with the story…

    3. First let me say this SHIT was funny as HELL……..Now on with it…..”I..I..I..see Bette people,” he whispers…….LOL…..I THINK WE ALL SEE HER…..’Oh yeah baby…those five inches are looking mighty fine if I do say so myself…….FIVE INCHES WHAT ABOUT EIGHT THAT’S THE NORM……….”Don’t worry Henry, we’ll just do it the old fashion way!!”………………THAT’S SO BORING…….Bette would never have a problem with not finding the right spot, or prematurely slipping out once she did. She silently shook her head, remembering just how good that woman could make her feel……..YOU ALWAYS MISS WHAT YOU HAD……..BETTE LEFT HER MARK………Dammit, Tina,’ she admonished herself. ‘YOU ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT BETTE!!! You’re not thinking about her magical fingers. You’re not thinking about her extraordinary tongue. You’re not thinking about her full, soft lips. You’re not thinking about the taste of her. You’re not thinking………….YES TINA YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT YOUR TRUE LOVE…….SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE….NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO FUCK HENRY OR ANYONE ELSE……..”NO!!!!!” Tina screamed in frustration……………THAT’S HOW IT IS WITH MEN…..I THOUGHT YOU KNEW…..Bette saw her coming and took a step back. “Get away from me Tina. You smell like man balls!…………..LOL………Less than a minute later, Tina watched in horror as the two women marched past her, dragging Bette’s mattress, along with all the bedding still on it, and unceremoniously dumped it next to the curb……….YOU GO BETTE…….THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    4. Very funny indeed, but also very sad. But very well written as always. Thank you for having the courage (I almost thought “the balls”….) to share this story with us. I do hope it is the very last time you write a straight sex scene and I can’t wait to read your next story.

    6. Dayum, woman…this was a hoot but also so sad. You have an awesome sense of humor and can write your ass off. There were so many hilarious and sarcastic remarks. I liked this one…”Uh, I think you are a little far back there Henry, that’s the wrong hole!” Henry’s ineptitude was mind boggling. The meshing of the two stories was seamless. What a pleasure to read a story written by a pro! I was laughing out loud cuz the details were so on point. It is disappointing that IC never had dialogue where Bette questioned Tina concerning their finances or Tina’s exploration of men. I’ve read some fanfic in which the authors have Tina saying that Bette told her to men. But Bette clearly said that’s NOT what she wants but felt she couldn’t demand Tina not to do such a thing. I believe Bette wanted Tina to care about their relationship and work things out. Oh, well..S3 was abysmal except for a few pockets of happiness. I hope S4 is a vast improvement.

    7. ok……this has to be the most amazing fic ive ever read…..”you smell like man balls.”….RFLMFAO……..gosh, i bow to you…..absolutely amazingly funny as hell……bravo bravo bravo……..

    8. Sea, you had me ROTFLMAO with Tina and Henry hearing voices!! “I see Bette people..” LOL!!! Wonderful writing as usual and once again demonstrates the sense of humour you have although it is a sad story.

    11. oh man, this was something…have to agree with bette though, what happened to all the money? i think you should continue, find some way to get them back maybe…see, i’m such a hopeless tibetter LOL

    17. yeah this was pretty funny all right, I am surprised that both Tina and Henry didn’t run shrieking into the night after all that!!!! But the question remains, and one I had after tina was sooo broke after she left the first time. If she had indeed worked most of the time,yet Bette paid for everything,plus had Tina’s name on all the assets, what happened to Tina’s money?

    18. “You smell like man balls”….I love this Seahurst…..some crazy shit and you are one pissed off TLW watcher!!!I don’t know if I can watch season 3 again either. I loved so much of it but absolutely loathed what they have done to Tina. I count on you and the other fanfiction writers to keep Bette and Tinal alive!

    22. I don’t think anyone could have done a better job of this. I had also wondered what had become of Tina’s money that she earned and why she was supposed to have been broke. What a little bitch and I have always loved Tina with Bette. But right now, I would like to just whack her one across her little butt. This was hilarious and so well written, I could see all of it happening. Great job Seahurst.

    25. Henry cannot catch a break in your stories can he, Seahurst? What did Tina do with all her money? She certainly didn’t spend it on clothes or a car. Thanks for the levity!

    26. OK I didn’t finish the story, but the dialogue between T & H on the first page reminds me of “Dodgeball”, way to funny and awesome (Touche). Thanks. Gotta go back.

    30. Thank you, Sea for such a hysterical and hilarious tale. It had me laughing my head off. Not good when you are in work. Brilliant, Brava!! Your Loyal Fan

    32. Hahah… man balls… gross. Sea, somehow you always start out grossing me out with straight sex, make me laugh in the middle at straight sex, and end up with me feeling like Bette has gotten some of her dignity back. I’m a big believer in Tibette, but your stories TOTALLY cater to my current feelings toward Tina. Great as always!

    35. Seahurst, I read the last page of your story, For some reason I cant bring myself to read it, Since I started reading fanfiction way way back, I believe you are one of the most talented writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. It seems this past year, I am not sure if it is because you were so dissapointed in S3 or what, but you seem to be so harsh in your stories, I am not criticiing you, thats what makes you so talented, that you can be so diversified, Its just I love your romantic stories, and I hope one day you will come back with another beautiful story like If it is meant to be.

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