Its me again, how are you all, good I hope? I know you already know why I’m writing this, but I’ll write it anyway. I’m getting married!, I’m getting married!, I’m getting married!. Anna, I’m still in shock, I cant believe that after everything Dana and I have been through we are actually getting married. It only seems like yesterday, I was writing asking for your advice on what to do about us getting back together. I cant believe it was actually 3 years ago. I wont lie to you when I say it’s a decision I struggled hard with. I knew in my heart I loved Dana and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but I was scared. I never wanted to feel that kind of pain again. I had opened up and allowed myself to feel the most unbelievable love, to have it ripped from me. When that happened, I made a vow to myself never to allow that to happen again. I closed of my heart to protect it, I never wanted to be left vulnerable to the hurt a lost love brought. So I spent 10 long years drifting in and out of meaningless relationships. Ok, so maybe meaningless is not the word I should use, but they were relationships I knew wouldn’t go anywhere. I went into every single one knowing it was for the short term, I was never willing to give any of them a chance. I knew I could never love anyone in the way I loved Dana. Dana was the one person I had spent my whole life searching for. When I was with her my heart became whole and complete. I knew she was all I ever needed to survive in this world. I had at last found my soul mate, the one reason I was put on this earth was to love her. All to soon the my insecurities crept in with the arrival of Lara. I don’t know why I ever thought Dana would cheat on me, but the thoughts just wouldn’t leave my head. My heart began to break even before we split up because I knew it was inevitable I would lose her. If not to Lara, then to my insecurities and I was right, I pushed and pushed until she couldn’t take it anymore and left. The second she left my whole world froze and I could feel nothing only pain. When I moved away, I left my heart in the only place it belonged. I didn’t want to take it with me, what was the point. They say that time heals a broken heart, well I didn’t want it to heal because if it never healed it could never be broken again. I got through those 10 years with the love and support of my friends, I thought my friends were all I needed. Of course in the back of my mind I knew I needed love, not only receiving it but giving it. Its how the world works, we live to share love but I didn’t want to admit it. How could I, when love had become one of my biggest fears. Its crazy isn’t it, being afraid of love, but I was.