When you have trusting issues and insecurities as bad as i do, you somehow become oblivious to what is right in front of you. It takes a long time for me to stop asking questions like”why do people like me?”, because in all honesty i couldnt see much to like. I remember back in college i went out with a group of friends for a drink. One of the girls (who was straight) took my face in her hands and told me i had a pretty face. Just a compliment from one person to another and i couldnt accept that there was nothing behind it. I knew it wasnt a chat up line or her flirting, cause like i said very straight. She had to be drunk, so i covered my face with my hands, told her she was drunk and changed the subject. So all the times Dana told me she loved me and only wanted to be with me, i couldnt accept it. Why would she ever just wanna be with me, nobody does. Neither Tayo, Bette or Gabby wanted to, ***** even my own mother only wants me when she needs something. The funny thing is as a friend i always knew Dana wanted me first before the others. She came to me for advise,trusted me with everything before she told the others. I felt special and wanted. In a strange way i guess thats why i had such a hard time when we were together, she couldnt come to me. I mean she couldnt come up to me and say”hey Alice, my girlfriend is being so ***** clingy and needy that sometimes i just wanna slap some sense into her”. No, i mean id tell her to dump my sorry ***** because clingy girlfriends are pathetic and what hot ***** tennis player needs that.

I wish i could take my own advice.

Another reason was the fact that she was a hot ***** and very wanted tennis player. Dont get me wrong, i want nothing but success for Dana, she deserves it. Its just when she has these baywatch blondes and ***** models with never ending legs wanting her, who would choose an average reporter. I know i wouldnt. Last night i realised that Dana did love me as much as i do her and it feels good. Pity the saying goes too little too late. Danas made the choice of friendship and i have to accept it and move on, which im beginning to do. I actually got through my whole yoga class without shedding one tear. Helena was mightaly impressed, after she got over the shock of me actually being ready when she called. The expression on her face was priceless, i swear i thought she was going to trip on her bottom lip her mouth fell open that wide. We had a half an hour to spare so we had a coffee and chat which went a little like this.