By: Dreiser



If there was one thing that Alice truly hated it was waiting. She supposed that had something to do with how she was raised and the fact that waiting never led to anything good. For instance, when she first went to live with her mother after her father’s death Alice waited to eat her lunch because Lenore said she would be home soon and they would eat together.

Alice went without lunch for nine hours that day.

From that point on, she learned that if she wanted something then she should take care of it herself. This way of living worked but as a result it made her entirely impatient.

Sick of the waiting and wanting to take her mind off of it, Alice reached for the gold ornate salt and pepper shakers sitting in front of her. Fiddling with them, she wondered why exactly they needed to be gold. This was a nice restaurant, sure, and yeah it dealt with high end clientele but did they really need to be gold? Wouldn’t silver or brass work just as well? They were only salt and pepper shakers, after all.

“The folly of the rich,” murmured Alice wisely, clunking the salt shaker side to side and making it do a strange dance. Reaching for the pepper shaker with her right hand, she did the same thing before releasing a sigh and plunking them both to a dancing stop.

She really did hate waiting.

Frowning in irritation and resting her gaze on the salt and pepper shakers, Alice’s lips quirked up and she chuckled. “Maybe I should practice what I need to say,” she drawled, reaching for the salt and pepper shakers again.

Arranging the shakers so they were facing each other, Alice cleared her throat and tipped the pepper shaker forward to move it as if it were speaking. “Why did you ask me here, Alice?” she said in snooty tones.

Clearing her throat again, Alice used her normal voice as she bobbed the salt shaker. “I wanted to talk to you about your relationship with your daughter, Sharon,” she said reasonably.

“That’s right! My daughter,” Alice said in snooty tones, thumping the pepper shaker onto the table in an aggravated motion that made some pepper fly out of it and onto the table. “Dana is my daughter so don’t you dare presume to tell me about her.”

“I’m not presuming anything,” the salt shaker rocked slightly side to side. “I just want to talk to you about her, that’s all.”

A pause and then the pepper shaker bobbed in a less aggressive movement, sliding closer to salt shaker. “And why is that precisely?”

The sound of a throat clearing that definitely was not her own stopped Alice from having the salt shaker make its reply. Reluctantly lifting her head, Alice gulped as she met the dryly amused gaze of Sharon Fairbanks. Her dark blue eyes glowed in a dark sort of humor that made her all the more intimidating. Per usual, she was dressed in an elegant women’s suit, this one by Kay Unger, featuring a sleek silk copper jacket and a brown laced skirt. The clothing perfectly accentuated her tanned skin and blonde hair, making her look every inch a lady.

Something that, to be honest, had always intimated Alice when it came to Sharon. Thanks to her upbringing with her mother she hadn’t really known many actual ladies. Oh *****. She just didn’t know any at all. At least, not until she found herself pursued by Bette Porter in her early twenties, that is. Bette’s cultured air and perfectly polished manners had both frightened and excited Alice horribly back then. Then she found out they were nothing but Bette’s way of protecting herself emotionally and by the time she worked that out, they were pretty much finished as a couple. Though she couldn’t ever be sure of it, Alice thought that Bette never meant for them to work out romantically. She figured that the art director pursued her on a whim, finding her attractive at that particular moment and acting on it.

Not like it mattered now. She had Dana and Bette… well, maybe Bette had Tina. Though Alice couldn’t really worry about that at the moment because Sharon was sitting down and looking at her with an expectant expression.

“Sharon,” squeaked Alice, releasing a cough to clear her throat and hopefully bring her voice back to its natural octave. “Good to see you.”

“Do you always play with your kitchen wear?” asked Sharon in droll tones, a small smile tugging on her features. It seemed as if the woman couldn’t quite help finding Alice’s antics endearing.

“Sometimes,” Alice admitted and she blushed, forming a sheepish expression as she rubbed the back of her head. “I do interviews a lot and I got into this habit… to make sure I got them right, because you only get one chance at an interview, you know? Anyway,” she babbled on, getting irritated with herself for getting totally off topic from what she meant this lunch to be about. She couldn’t help it though. Sharon honestly did make her nervous. “I would practice the interviews and use stuff to act it out. Like, well,” Alice reached for the salt shaker to move it to side to side a bit. “Although, sometimes I do hand puppets.”

“Hand puppets?” echoed Sharon, lifting an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” said Alice as she bobbed her head quickly. Acting instinctively, she lifted her hands and made each of them form a little mouth as they faced each other. While doing this, she flashed back to the day she had done the very same thing with Dana. The time she hadn’t been practicing for an interview and was instead trying to help the tennis player work up the courage to come out to her parents. Something that Alice felt she had truly made worse for Dana with her horrible ‘I have a boyfriend’ line. The guilt she still had over her actions that day was part of the reason she arranged this meeting with Sharon in the first place. Breaking out of these thoughts, the blonde proceeded to visually explain her use of hand puppets. “Hi Sharon. How are you?” Alice had her left hand puppet say. “I’m fine Alice. But why are we here?” she had her right hand puppet reply. Sharon didn’t respond and continued to look at her with a deadpan expression. Laughing nervously, Alice dropped her hands into her lap. “So…”

“Why are we here, Alice?” Sharon questioned finally. Apparently the salt and pepper shakers and hand puppets held very little long term interest for her. She wanted to get right to the point of their meeting. “You would only say it was about Dana. Well,” she locked eyes with Alice and wore a look of significance. “What about Dana exactly? I would like to know since I do have a natural interest in my daughter’s life. Whether she would choose to believe that or not.”

Releasing a sigh, Alice closed her eyes and ran through her thoughts quickly. It looked like she would have to get right to the point and hope that somehow Sharon would hear what she was saying. “Dana’s good at hiding things,” Alice murmured, opening her eyes and resting her gaze on Sharon. Showing her everything she could with that look. All of the love, all of the concern, all of the understanding she had for Dana. “She’s been hiding who she was since she was sixteen. Do you know she fell in love at tennis camp?” Alice revealed quietly.

“She did,” said Sharon dimly, looking rather lost on hearing this. Her mouth opened briefly only to immediately shut and she averted her eyes from Alice, looking across the restaurant.

“You want to know who it was?” asked Alice kindly, her tones holding just a hint of knowing in them. “Dana calls her Ralph, since apparently the person in question is somewhat famous and still in the closet. She was Dana’s camp counselor.” When Sharon whipped her head towards Alice at this remark, the blonde chuckled and held up her hands in a pacifying motion. “Don’t freak, okay? She was only seventeen. It wasn’t anything wrong on a statutory level.”

“Just on a religious and social one,” snapped Sharon in response.

“You really think that?” Alice inquired soft and curious. When Sharon looked to her she leaned forward, resting her chin in the palm of her hand to peer at the older woman. “Dana told me you guys only go to church on Christmas and Easter. She even said that sometimes you would forget or just not go.” A smile quirked on her lips and she drawled, “Like the time you didn’t go because she decided to hide all of Howie’s Easter candy as payback for him wrecking her new tennis racket.” Her smile widened as she observed Sharon release an affectionate laugh while her eyes glowed with happiness at the memory. “Did you ever find where she hid his chocolate bunny? Because Dana totally forgot… that’s why she didn’t tell you. She wasn’t being a brat, she honestly couldn’t remember where she hid it.”

“Irwin found it seven months later in tucked into the right shoe of his old pair of golfing cleats,” revealed Sharon, chuckling at both the incident and the scrunched up look of disgust on Alice’s face. “It wasn’t really that dreadful. She had left it in the original wrapping, after all. Of course, by then it was completely inedible.”

Smiling warmly, Alice murmured, “Dana’s the same now as she was back then, Sharon. She’s still the daughter you know and love. Nothing has changed except now you know more about her life than you did before. And isn’t that a good thing?” questioned Alice soft but powerful, scooting forward to capture Sharon’s gaze with her own. “Don’t you want to know more about your daughter’s life? That’s what it seems like to me. In fact, I think what you’re most upset about is that you don’t know what’s going on with Dana’s life. Sharon,” Alice said the name forcefully, gripping the woman’s hand when she tried to move her gaze away. Once blue eyes that were heart tuggingly similar to Dana’s settled on her, Alice went on, “The only reason Dana isn’t telling you things like that is because she thinks you don’t want to know.”

A brief flash of pain seized Sharon’s blue eyes then it dulled into a sheen of polite detachment as she replied, “If that is what Dana chooses to believe then what can I do?”

“She’s not choosing to believe anything, Sharon,” said Alice, her voice showing a hint of the frustration she was feeling. “It’s what she honestly feels. If she could choose how she feels then don’t you think she’d want to feel like she did when she was little? That you loved her no matter what and you were proud of her?” Pausing to gather her thoughts, Alice unwrapped the silverware from the fancy linen napkin they were hidden inside. Rolling the spoon out of the napkin, Alice said softly, “What makes it horrible for Dana is that she knows what it’s like to have a mother who loves her unconditionally, you know? A mother who cares for her more than herself. I never had that growing up or just… ever. I mean, I had my dad but he died when I was a kid and my mother was busy with her TV show and movies. I don’t know what it’s like to miss having a mother like that, a mother who comforts and nurtures and teaches. I don’t know what that’s like but Dana does. And she misses it, Sharon.” Lifting her head to look at Sharon with entreating brown eyes, Alice murmured, “She misses you. She misses her mother.”

Sharon released a tiny cry of sadness and bit her bottom lip in such a way that Alice immediately knew where Dana got that mannerism from. Then she said hoarsely, her tone laced with unshed tears, “I miss her too… I miss my daughter.”

“Why not tell her that?” asked Alice quietly.

“She doesn’t want to hear it,” Sharon muttered, sounding almost self loathing. She then pulled Alice’s linen napkin over to her and began to expertly refold it in the complex origami shape that it had once been. “I’ve tried to explain to her the reasons I disapprove of the life she’s been leading but she’s never allowed me to finish. So in actuality,” she chuckled wryly and continued folding. “That means I’ve never explained anything.”

Silence and then Alice said encouragingly, “Explain to me.”

Looking to Alice with a good deal of skepticism, Sharon gave in when she saw nothing but an honest desire for the truth. Focusing back on the napkin folding, she murmured, “I know personally how cruel people can be when they discover you’re different. How the ones you thought you knew best can turn on you as easily as a dime. Those who show any sign of weakness will always be the ones who are hurt in this world.” Pausing in her folding to look up and lock eyes with the journalist, she repeated solemnly, “Always.”

“What does that have to do with Dana being *****?” asked Alice who was truly feeling confused at this point. “I mean, I do agree with the point you just made but I don’t see how they link up.”

“Being different, not fitting into the mold that people love to form for one another is seen as a sign of weakness, my dear,” said Sharon with sad determination. She had finished refolding Alice’s napkin to perfection and carefully placed it in front of the blonde then continued talking. “I experienced just a taste of that in my youth and I swore when I had both my children that they would never have to go through anything of the same. That’s why I don’t want this life for Dana. I know what it will bring for her. All the rejection, the hurt, the cruelty.” Sharon swallowed visibly then said in soft shaky tones, “I don’t want that for my child. What mother would?”

“You want to protect her,” summarized Alice and when Sharon looked up at her in surprise, she smiled. “I can get that. Really I can but don’t you think it’s a little late for that now? Dana’s out and there’s no way she can go back in again. The Subaru and Fila endorsements kind of make that impossible even if she wanted to, which I know for sure she doesn’t. That being said,” Alice tilted her head and regarded Sharon with a veiled gaze. “What’s left to protect her from? The acceptance of her own mother?”

“I should’ve known you wouldn’t understand,” muttered Sharon under her breath, reaching for her purse and starting to rise from the table only to be stopped by Alice gripping her wrist. She shook her arm and when the journalist wouldn’t release her hold, she said in exasperation, “Would you please let go? I have no desire to make a public spectacle out of myself.”

“The only person that’s hurting Dana with their rejection is you,” Alice pronounced in quiet and entirely grim tones. “And for her it’s so much worse because as sensitive and sweet as Dana is what other people think doesn’t really matter that much to her when it all comes down to it. She gets upset over it, yeah, but the hurt will pass and eventually fade completely away. That’s not going to happen with you, Sharon. Because you’re her mother and you matter more than anyone else in the world.” Letting her hand slip away from Sharon’s wrist, Alice looked at the figure approaching their table then focused back on the older woman to give her final plea. “Dana just wants to know you love her,” she murmured. “That’s all she’s ever wanted.”

“Mom,” Dana’s surprised voice floated over them. “What are you doing here?” As soon as she said this, her eyes fixed onto Alice and narrowed slightly. “I thought you said what was going on with lunch was about your family, Al.”

“It is,” said Alice simply, reaching up to thread the fingers of her right hand with Dana’s. She then turned to Sharon and repeated the action with her left hand. Pulling both of the standing women forward and to the table, Alice peered up at them with a heartfelt brown gaze. “This is my family.” She paused to smile soft and sweetly, kissing Dana’s hand lightly and focusing solely on the tennis player now. “You’re my family.”

Dana’s eyes became teary at this and she instinctively dipped her head to capture Alice’s lips for a loving kiss. When they parted there was a moment of utter peace then Dana jerked her head up when she recalled just who was there with them. But upon looking at her mother she didn’t see the barely hidden disapproval that always floated in her dark blue eyes and on regal features. Instead she saw love and acceptance. She saw her mother looking at her like she had when she was a little girl and she won her first tennis tournament. Smiling at her caring and proud, making Dana feel like she could do anything because her mother believed in her.

Her mother loved her.

Moving towards Dana with a purposeful stride, Sharon stopped in front of her daughter and winced at how she automatically backed away. How had it gotten this bad? Sharon didn’t know and she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to. Not that it really mattered now. Things would be different from this moment on, that much Sharon had decided because she knew she couldn’t live with Dana looking at her like that again. Small, hurt, vulnerable and so very afraid.

Cautiously reaching out to cup Dana’s face in her hands, wiping the tears away that were just starting to fall, Sharon moved close and whispered tenderly, “I love you, Dana.”

“Mom,” Dana cried more than said it.

In moments, Sharon wrapped Dana up in a hug and watching them with a beaming smile Alice couldn’t help but humorously note that Sharon no longer seemed to mind the idea of making a spectacle of herself. Then again, she couldn’t really call this a spectacle. No, Alice thought, smiling still as the hug went on.

This was a mother and her daughter. Nothing more and nothing less. Simple as that was, it was also achingly beautiful. Almost as much as both Fairbanks women when they parted and looked down at her with matching faces so alight with happiness they could outshine the sun.

“If you two are done I was thinking maybe we could order food,” Alice offered with sardonic humor, not wanting either of them to get embarrassed as they realized there were other people intruding on their private moment simply because they were in a public area. “I think my stomach is starting to eat itself as a form of retaliation.”

A pair of menus whapped Alice playfully on the top of her head in a joint action, leading the scowling journalist to discover that there were a wide variety of things that Dana had picked up from Sharon. Feisty habits included.

—

“Now you’re a man! A manny manny–”

SMACK!

The loud blare of purposely obnoxious music ended as just as abruptly as it began when Dana lowered her hand to hit the cd player alarm that resided on the nearby nightstand. With that done, she returned to the warm feel of skin on skin as she rested herself on Alice’s pale back.

“It’ll take us forever to hear the whole song, won’t it?” Alice sleepily mumbled, shifting and studying Dana with an affectionate lidded gaze. She managed a lazy pout as she drawled, “And I want to hear him sing the part about big titties.”

“Pervert,” accused Dana, chuckling as she deposited a kiss onto Alice’s shoulder blades while she slid further down her body, hands exploring along the way.

“Takes one to know one, Miss Look Where My Hands and Kisses Are Headed,” teased Alice, making reference to the current path Dana was traveling across her body.

“I can stop at any time, you know,” Dana remarked, kissing the small of Alice’s back and sliding back up to rest her chin on Alice’s shoulder, placing their faces side by side.

Grinning happily, Alice squirmed until she finally was on her back and Dana remained on top of her, arms folded over Alice’s chest her face propped up on them. Then she playfully grabbed Dana’s nose in the same manner she had seen Dana use with Howie so recently and drawled, “But you don’t want to stop, do you?”

“Leb bo by bose,” uttered Dana nasally and somewhat irritably.

“What’s the magic word?” prompted Alice, who soon released a high pitched squeal of delight when Dana put to work her athletic abilities and freed her nose from its captor to then tickle the blonde fiercely. Lying on her side, her lungs collapsed with laughter, she breathed shakily, “Stop… I’ll be good… I promise.”

“Like I believe that,” scoffed Dana, pressing against Alice’s back and embracing her. It was then that she finally gave the alarm clock an actual look and noticed the time. “*****,” she muttered as she dropped her head onto Alice’s shoulder morosely. “I told Mike I’d meet him at the club at nine a.m. and it’s almost eight thirty.” Moaning lowly, Dana buried her face in Alice’s neck and breathed in the light scent of her shampoo. “I don’t want to go.”

Peering back at Dana and lightly tangling her fingers in brown hair, massaging the athlete’s scalp gently as she did so, Alice murmured, “Then take the day off. It’s Sunday anyway. I don’t think Mike would really care.”

“I shouldn’t,” came Dana’s muffled reply, staying hidden in the crook of Alice’s neck.

Recognizing Dana’s tone of voice was the one she used when she wanted someone to talk her out of something she didn’t want to do in the first place, Alice cajoled, “Take the day off, baby.” When Dana gave another vague muffled protest, she turned in her arms and pressed the tennis player onto the bed. Hovering over the brunette to put their lips just a breath apart, Alice murmured enticingly, “I’ll make it worth your while.”

Arching an eyebrow in dry amusement as a smile quirked on her lips, Dana said, “Are you trying to bribe me with the promise of sexual favors?”

“Is it working?” Alice purred, moving closer yet.

Pausing to consider the question and wearing an overly contemplative expression, Dana grinned impishly as she looked up at Alice and said, “Yes. I really think it is.”

“Then that’s exactly what I’m doing,” murmured Alice before she smoothly closed the space in between them to capture Dana’s lips for a kiss. It was a kiss that let Dana honestly say she had never been so happy to receive a bribe in all her life.

—

Clad in their bedtime wear, the couple snuggled on the couch underneath a pair of cotton quilts that had been a recent gift from Sharon. They were currently in the midst of spending their lazy Sunday together. Dana sat at the far end of the couch, her tan legs hidden under a blanket and propped onto the coffee table as she watched a classic tennis match on one of the hundreds of ESPN channels. Alice, in the meantime, had her head in Dana’s lap while she read the paper.

“And there’s the backhand pass,” Dana commented all knowingly, grinning as she watched Bjorn Borg deliver the blow that would lead to his victory against John McEnroe. Playing absently with Alice’s messy blonde hair, she sighed and continued to watch one of her favorite matches. “I want to have Borg’s on court composure… that’s what made him great. No one knew what was going on in his head. He was impossible to read.”

“People like your on court personality though,” said Alice, skimming through the paper. “That reporter at Tennis Magazine compared you to McEnroe in terms of your on court personas, after all. And look at how popular he was. I think what he said was right, how you both tend to get the crowds invested in your victory because of the way you present yourselves on the court.” Alice stopped herself from quoting the article directly but that was something she could do since she had read it enough. It was probably her favorite amongst the many articles she had read over the years when it came to Dana and tennis. The writer had managed to perfectly describe what Alice always found so captivating about Dana when she played the game.

“I hate being compared to McEnroe at any level,” groused Dana, staring at the TV and willing Bjorn to make that winning shot already. “Granted, yes, he was a great player. Probably better than I will ever be but he was also a spoiled brat who threw fits whenever he didn’t get his way. That kind of thing insults the sport. Please don’t compare me to him.”

Lowering the paper and peering at Dana to see the frustrated set of her jaw, Alice touched it lightly. When blue eyes met hers, she said softly, “You’re right. I shouldn’t compare you to other players,” she stroked tanned skin. “Not when you’re more than good enough on your own.”

Returning the smile, Dana kissed Alice’s fingertips tenderly and offered with understated but playful humor, “I wouldn’t mind having his left handed serve though.”

“What about the curly fro?” asked Alice impishly, nodding towards the TV and the ridiculously poofy permed hair the tennis player had during the 80′s. “Would you mind having that?”

“Dork,” Dana chuckled and tapped Alice’s nose before returning her attention to the match.

They went back to companionable silence for some time with Dana watching her match and Alice reading her paper. And then Alice sprang to life, squirming on Dana’s lap and reaching for the remote control to pause the Tivo, freezing Bjorn and John in the middle of their final set. Looking to Alice with a frown, Dana questioned, “What did you do that for?”

“You have to read this, Dane,” exclaimed Alice, ignoring Dana’s protests and shoving the paper up towards the tennis player. “It’s the funniest thing ever.”

Frowning still, Dana took the paper and read aloud, “Cops look to SWAT monkey for back up. Send in the SWAT monkey is not an order US police commanders are accustomed to giving but that could soon change. Al,” Dana halfway whined, looking down at the grinning blonde. “This is stupid. Do I have to keep reading?”

“Yes, you do! It gets funnier,” Alice insisted and she squirmed around in an attempt to get more comfortable in Dana’s lap.

“Fine,” said Dana, heaving a sigh. Focusing on the paper again, she continued reading, “The police department at Mesa, Arizona, is examining a proposal to train a capuchin monkey for high risk police operations. Special Weapons and Tactics SWAT team veteran Sean Truelove has researched the possibility of landing a ten thousand dollar federal grant to fund a pilot program to train one monkey.” Groaning a bit, Dana rolled her eyes and muttered, “That’s a great use for tax payer money.” When Alice poked lightly at her stomach she went back to reading the article. “Mr. Truelove told a local newspaper the test monkey could be trained to unlock doors and search buildings on command. ‘Everybody laughs about it until they really start thinking about it,’ Mr. Truelove told the East Valley Tribune.” Shaking her head, Dana said dryly, “I’m not laughing. This is too idiotic for me to laugh about.” Alice once again poked at her and Dana laughed, ruffling the blonde’s hair as she finished reading. “It could change the way we do business. Major city police departments in the United States use paramilitary SWAT teams for hostage situations and in situations involving heavily armed criminals.”

Once Dana lowered the paper and looked to her, Alice declared almost huffily, “Come on, Dane! You can’t tell me you don’t think that’s at least a little funny. It’s monkeys! On the SWAT team! That’s right out of the plot for a Disney movie.”

“I think it’s disturbing more than anything,” remarked Dana, lifting an eyebrow in staid observation. “How do you think someone would feel if they’re like… on a roof about to commit suicide and then a monkey in a little black suit drops in on a line and saves them? That’s just way too weird to deal with, Al.”

“I can’t believe you don’t see the innate genius that’s responsible for SWAT monkeys,” Alice pouted as she grumpily folded up the paper and tossed it onto the coffee table. “It’s like a brilliant shining example of how self indulged and ridiculous our society has become. Plus,” she waved her hands wildly about, now fully into her explanation. “They’re SWAT monkeys! And I don’t care what anyone says, it totally sounds like a classic Disney movie.”

“Maybe,” allowed Dana, grinning at Alice affectionately. She always found the journalist to be exceptionally adorable when she was in the middle of one of her complex explanations. “But who would do the voices of the SWAT monkeys? They would have to talk or at least have their thoughts heard in the movie.”

Her face a portrait of thoughtful consideration, Alice eventually looked at Dana in smug triumph and declared, “Former cast members of Saturday Night Live who have nothing better to do.”

“Ouch,” Dana chuckled and winced on the actors behalf. Smiling playfully, she leaned down to put their faces millimeters apart. “That’s harsh of you, Al. Really harsh.”

Entwining her fingers in Dana’s wavy brown hair to pull her down for a kiss, Alice returned the smile and drawled, “I’m a very harsh lady.”

“Right,” Dana murmured skeptically into the kiss before she deepened it.

Any attempts that Alice might have made to convince Dana she was indeed a harsh lady were soundly overturned by the gentle passion of her kisses and tender caress of her hands. But to be fair, Alice wasn’t really trying that hard to convince Dana in the first place. At least not while they were in the midst of kissing.

—

“And the theme song should be a combination of M.A.S.H. and Rambo,” Alice rambled as she unpacked the lunch they had ordered from a local deli. She began to hum an overdramatic melody and continued unpacking. “Then the lyrics would be something like ‘SWAT monkeys, falling from the sky, always save those in danger in the nick of time’. You know, something cheesy like that,” said Alice in tones that implied she thought this reasoning made the utmost of sense. Wandering past Dana and into the kitchen to retrieve utensils, plates, and other such things Alice called out, “Don’t you think so, Dane?”

“Completely,” said Dana, raising her voice in agreement, feeling entirely bemused SWAT monkeys had managed to capture Alice’s attention for almost two hours now. “That’s the perfect type of theme song. No doubt about it.”

Watching with fond eyes as Alice returned, balancing plates, utensils, cups, napkins, and a bottle of soda Dana knew she shouldn’t be that surprised. One of things that she found to be both charming and frustrating about the blonde was the fact that for an observant person she could be impossibly blind when it came to things that would have been otherwise obvious simply because her focus was placed somewhere else.

That was how Dana successfully hid her feelings for Alice for years. But if she was to be totally honest, that was just part of how she was able to hide her feelings. The other part was her own fear of rejection and just the idea of losing Alice completely if she told her the truth.

There had been times where she had been so close to telling Alice how she felt. How she loved her more than she had ever loved anyone. How she had been in love with her for what seemed like forever. How she wanted to be the person to take care of her, the person to love her.

One time had been closer than all the others though.

“Al?” Dana knocked on the door to her friend’s apartment then glanced nervously down the hallway. She had been knocking on the door for almost a minute now. When she called the blonde earlier to invite her out for dinner there had been something just off about the way she sounded. Plus there was the fact Alice turned down free food since Dana offered to pay for the meal. That was something she had yet to see the journalist do during the year they had known each other. “Come on, Al. I’m getting worried. Let me in, okay? I just want to know you’re all right. That’s it, I promise.” She swore she heard the sound of movement and decided to make a final desperate try before she resorted to breaking the door down. Or at least finding the building superintendent to unlock it for her. “I brought food.”

The doorknob turned and Dana couldn’t help forming a victorious expression on seeing this. Something that was immediately wiped away on seeing her friend. Alice’s brown eyes that were normally alight and sparkling held a dull ache to them that broke Dana’s heart. They were also red, just like her face, and she was wearing a worn blue sweater jacket that looked incredibly comfortable but wasn’t fashionable in the least. Something that normally mattered to Alice.

“I don’t see any food,” said Alice in droll observation. Her tone was an attempt at humor but it fell horribly flat because of the sadness that seemed to fall off her in waves. She turned around to head back into the apartment, leaving the door open for Dana to follow. “Trickery really doesn’t suit you, Dane.”

“What’s going on, Al?” questioned Dana soft and caring, cautiously approaching the blonde who tugged the sweater closer to her body as she hugged herself. “You look bad.”

“Gee, you know how to make a girl feel swell about herself, don’t you?” Alice laughed wryly, rubbing at her eyes and plopping down on her couch.

Sitting down gingerly next to Alice and feeling horribly inadequate but wanting more than anything to ease the pain her friend was in, Dana reached for the blonde’s hand and held it gently. “Please tell me what’s wrong,” she requested plaintively.

“Nothing is wrong,” muttered Alice, averting her eyes and looking at the far side of the apartment. “I didn’t feel like going out to dinner. That isn’t a secret signal my life is in turmoil, Dana. It just means I don’t want to go out to dinner.”

Studying Alice silently for a long moment, Dana gave into her instincts and cupped her face in an unbearably kind and careful hold. Treating her much like she was fine china and would shatter at any rough treatment. When Alice was looking at her, she lifted her chin until their eyes met and she murmured, “Let me help. I know I’m not good at this kind of thing… I’ve never had any real friends before. At least, not for a long time but I think I do now and that’s because of you. Please, Al,” Dana uttered her heartfelt plea. “Let me help you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s stupid. No, I’m stupid,” Alice scoffed under her breath, relaxing into Dana’s arms, falling forward to rest her face in the crook of the tennis player’s neck. At this gesture, the brunette leaned back into the couch, wrapping Alice up for a comforting embrace. “You know the girl I’ve been seeing? Gabby Deveaux?”

“Yeah,” said Dana kindly, prompting the journalist to go on.

She vaguely recalled the woman Alice was referring to. They met maybe once and she hadn’t been that impressed with her. In fact, she had been a little bit annoyed. There was something about Gabby that Dana had found utterly insulting. But she seemed to make Alice happy and that was all that mattered to Dana. Mostly because that was all she cared about. Though she did wish secretly she could be the one who made Alice smile and look forward to a new day. That would never happen though because she was too scared to tell Alice the truth.

Scared to tell her that she was in love with her.

“Bette told me she saw her at Girlbar the other night with Nadia Meirtschin and they were basically all over each other,” said Alice, her voice muffled as she hid against Dana’s neck. “And of course I was like, ‘no way not my woman’ and so on to Bette. Because Gabby and I… I don’t know, Dane. I can’t explain it. She gets me, you know? I don’t really have that a lot. People like me, sure, but understand me?” Alice released a snort of skeptical humor. “That almost never happens. But yesterday after our date, I was in her apartment and she was in the bathroom and I couldn’t help it… I looked around for signs of Nadia Meirtschin sexcapades. Not that I would even know what to look for. Anyway, I didn’t have time for that because the phone rings and I ask Gabby if she wants me to answer it, she says let the machine get it, so I do. Then I hear Nadia as she leaves Gabby a message…”

The words trailed off into silence and Dana allowed this, guessing that Alice needed the time to sort her thoughts until she felt the wet drop of tears falling onto her skin. Looking down at the blonde cradled in her arms, Dana swore she felt her felt her heart break. “Oh Al,” she uttered in desperate sadness, pressing a kiss to the top of her blonde hair. “I’m sorry… please don’t cry. Don’t cry over Gabby ***** Deveaux. She’s not good enough for you. Honestly.”

“You’re right that I shouldn’t cry,” Alice muttered finally, sounding thoroughly embarrassed as she pulled away from Dana and rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hands. “Just like Gabby was right when she tried to explain to me. She did have a point in saying we’ve only been dating three months and I never told her we were exclusive. I only assumed that we were and there’s that stupid joke about what that makes you and me.”

“God, Al, no,” said Dana quickly, horrified at the sudden change. Taking Alice’s hands in her own and ducking her head down to meet their eyes, she said fervently, “That’s not what I meant! I meant Gabby’s not worth wasting your tears on. You deserve so much better from the person you’re with.” She started to move forward but hesitated only to start slowly back up again as she tenderly stroked the pale features in front of her. “You deserve the best. Someone who really loves you and would rather die than hurt you like that.”

“Yeah?” laughed Alice wryly, rubbing her eyes. “And where am I going to find someone like that? You tell me because I’m having no luck finding them and I sure don’t see anyone lining up and waiting for me.”

Staring at Alice, the woman she loved maybe since the first day the met, the woman she knew she loved since three months two days six hours and forty two minutes ago, Dana tried to work up the courage to say the words. To say she was that person. That she would rather die than hurt Alice like Gabby had done, that she wanted to hold her to take the pain away, that she dreamed of what it would be like to kiss her, that she felt faint at the mere idea of making love to her.

Dana opened her mouth and a knock sounded at the door.

They turned to stare at it together and they continued staring when another knock sounded as Gabby’s irritated voice floated in the air, “Open the door, Alice. I want to talk to you.”

“Gabby?” Alice murmured in something akin to shock, rising mechanically to her feet and towards the door.

This sudden turn of events left Dana stupefied and trying to figure out what to do next. She didn’t have much time to consider her options because Alice was opening the door and Gabby was walking into the room. Stopping her walk only when seeing Dana to then narrow her eyes.

“What’s she doing here?” asked Gabby in a quiet demand.

“She was checking on me, that’s all,” said Alice. She was quick to explain Dana’s presence, making the tennis player wince in the process. The blonde started to say something but stopped and looking away from Gabby, she murmured, “What are you doing here, Gabby?”

“I’m checking on you, that’s all,” Gabby repeated Alice’s answer in alluring and playful tones, sidling up to the journalist. She pushed blonde hair aside and leaned in to whisper in her ear, “I wanted to make sure you understood everything about Nadia. She means nothing to me, Alice. It was only ***** with her. What you and I have is more than that. You mean so much more to me than her, baby. You know that, don’t you?” When Alice released a soundless gasp at the press of Gabby’s lips against her skin, she chuckled. “You can feel that, don’t you? I know you can.”

Frozen and disbelieving, Dana watched in front of her eyes as Gabby turned it all around. How she made her betrayal about Alice and her needless insecurities. Making her think she should have known, should have done something to stop Gabby’s actions or at least understood them. That this was somehow Alice’s fault.

It made Dana sick to her stomach.

And it still didn’t prepare her for Gabby’s final blow. The path of kisses she left along Alice’s neck to stop on her jaw as she murmured in low enticing tones, “If you ask your little friend to leave I can show you how much you mean to me, baby. Wouldn’t you like that?”

She would never forget the look in Alice’s eyes that day. The apologetic and silent pleading gaze that asked her to go along with what Gabby was asking, what she was asking, and the obvious fear over what would happen if Dana refused.

That look was why Dana left without telling Alice she was in love with her. But it wasn’t why she continued to keep silent, even after Gabby and Alice finally broke up. No, her own fear was behind that and not Alice’s. The fear that she would never be good enough for the journalist as a lover and a partner.

After all, she hadn’t been good enough as a friend. She let Alice go back to Gabby when she knew… she knew how horrible she was. Surely that meant that she didn’t deserve Alice. The blonde deserved someone better than her. Someone brave and kind and open who could shout from the rooftops how they felt for Alice. That was something she could never do while residing comfortably in her closet.

But she could look after Alice. She could be a friend and she could take care of her until that person came along and when they did she could step aside and push her feelings deep down until it was as if they never existed.

She could do that.

Coming to this conclusion as she stood in the hallway to Alice’s apartment building, staring at the door Gabby had just closed, Dana confessed in a broken whisper, “I’m waiting. I love you.”

And then she turned and walked away.

The thump of a grape hitting Dana in between her eyes brought her back to reality and scowling playfully at Alice who she saw was armed with another grape, she said, “What was that for?”

“Going into a self induced coma to avoid giving me feedback about the brilliant screenplay project that is SWAT monkeys by Disney isn’t an acceptable action,” declared Alice, flicking another grape at Dana. One that the tennis player easily avoided, making Alice narrow her eyes in determination as she drawled, “Oh I see. You’re getting all pro athlete on me, huh? That’s all right. I have a whole bag of grapes to assault you with.”

The food fight that soon ensued wiped away any sadness Dana might have had from remembering the most significant entry on her countless list of lost opportunities. Well, not so much the food fight but the fact that whipped cream ended up being involved with it. And the loss of clothing.

—

What Dana probably enjoyed most about finally being with Alice romantically was that she got to see a side to the blonde that no one else did. They had been friends so long that she somehow thought she knew pretty much all there was to know about the journalist.

But oh… she was incredibly wrong, that much Dana knew for certain as she observed Alice snuggling further into her body, sinking into her arms and pulling the quilt up higher so it rested just underneath her nose all while keeping her eyes firmly planted on the TV screen.

Alice was apparently very afraid of horror movies.

Something that Dana found both entirely endearing and incredibly pleasing as it led to Alice placing next to no room between their bodies as they lay curled together on the couch watching the all night horror movie marathon. Currently being played was The Exorcist and though she knew she shouldn’t, Dana couldn’t wait for Linda Blair’s head to start spinning around because she knew the reaction from Alice would probably lead to an enjoyable experience for herself.

At times Dana could be rather evil that way.

Lost in her own thoughts, Dana wasn’t sure what exactly had occurred on screen but it was scary enough to Alice for her to yank the quilt up over her head and press her face into Dana’s ***** in the midst of her hiding.

Evil or no, how on Earth could anyone possibly expect Dana not to enjoy that?

But evil as she might be, Dana wasn’t evil enough that she didn’t want to comfort and reassure any of her girlfriend’s irrational yet very cute fears. Especially if it meant not having much room between her body and Alice’s. That’s why she slid down the couch and lifted up the quilt to duck her head underneath it in order to comfortably reside there with Alice.

“Boo,” said Dana impishly as she peered into Alice’s eyes.

Groaning miserably, Alice dropped her head onto Dana’s chest and lightly pinched her sides. “Don’t laugh,” she halfway pouted and whined. “I hate scary movies. They’ve always freaked me out like this since I was a little kid.”

“Why is that?” Dana asked in a curious murmur, sifting through Alice’s messy blonde hair and playing with the strands. Though she would loathe to admit it, she was kind of enjoying being underneath the quilt like this with Alice. It reminded her strangely of playing forts with Howie when she was younger.

“My mom was never around much and this one time, when I was nine, she was out of town for some sort of promotion for her TV show and Nelson and Jolene just decided to, I dunno, not be home either. So I was left alone, right?” Alice sighed wearily at the memory. “And like most kids that age I got all excited by the idea of staying up late and watching stuff that I wasn’t supposed to. That meant turning on an all night horror movie marathon like the one playing now.”

“You got scared, huh?” murmured Dana in quiet understanding, thinking about how she would’ve felt in that situation. Though it was a bit hard considering her parents would never had allowed such a thing to occur. But she had a slight idea. “And there wasn’t anyone around.”

“Not a soul, to use a horror movie pun,” said Alice humorously, her fingers slipping under Dana’s ‘Tennis Anyone’ t-shirt to absently stroke tanned skin. “I ended up watching the entire movie marathon. Fifteen straight hours of scary images burned into my tiny brain to torture me endlessly later in life.”

There was silence, well, except for the TV and The Exorcist playing in the background and then Dana said with just a touch of gentle humor, “Why didn’t you just turn the TV off?”

“The remote control was broken,” Alice muttered, sounding muffled as she squirmed into the athlete’s embrace and proceeded to hide there.

“So?” Dana frowned, genuinely confused. There were numerous ways of turning off a TV without using a remote control.

“So I was too scared to get up off the couch to turn off the TV,” replied Alice, sounding both muffled and inordinately embarrassed about revealing this particular fact.

Silence again except for the TV and The Exorcist playing and then Dana broke into sputtering laughter that she really wished she could stop but somehow couldn’t. While she laughed, Alice scowled and pinched her sides again until the tennis player’s laughter faded into wheezes and slight pained yelps at the pinching that was continuing to go on.

“It’s not funny,” said Alice peevishly, still scowling. “Do you know I had to hold my pee for like thirteen hours? It was a miracle my bladder didn’t explode or something.”

Though she didn’t think it possible, Dana burst into a more extreme fit of laughter and her sides got exposed to an almost torturous form of pinching as a result. When she finally calmed down and body relaxed into an aching mass from laughter and pinching, Dana peered at a quietly pouting Alice and smiled tenderly as she cupped her face.

“I’m sorry for laughing,” murmured Dana, gently lifting Alice’s head to meet their eyes. Sliding her hands down to cup the blonde’s rear, she pulled her up closer so their faces were a breath apart. “I love that you told me that because I know you haven’t told anyone else, have you?”

“No,” muttered Alice, ducking her head and hiding it under Dana’s chin. She poked the athlete’s side as she continued, “I didn’t want to hear anyone pitch a laughing fit like you just did.”

Pressing a kiss onto Alice’s messy blonde hair, Dana remarked thoughtfully, “I don’t know why I laughed. I guess maybe because it doesn’t seem like you but now…” She trailed off and nudged Alice with her chin, making the journalist move back to look up at her. When she did, Dana smiled softly and caressed the side of her face. “Well, now it does and I’m glad I know that. I’m glad I know parts of you nobody else does because it’s all I’ve ever wanted, you know?” Pulling Alice up to meet their lips for a kiss, she murmured against them, “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Sinking into the kiss with astonishing ease, Alice observed Dana with dark and glowing eyes, clear in their desire, and said in a playful intonation, “Is that right? Does that mean you would want to help me feel safe? Protect me all hero like from the big bad movie that’s playing and so on?”

“Of course,” drawled Dana, smiling. “Just tell me what you want me to do.”

Sliding up Dana’s body to put their faces only a slight movement away from kissing, Alice purred, “Turn off the TV.”

“And then?” prompted Dana, lifting an eyebrow expectantly.

“And then,” Alice drawled as she smiled sensuously. She then expertly slipped her leg in between Dana’s to create a greater and more delightful friction for their bodies while she whispered in her ear, “We go to the bedroom.”

Two seconds for the TV to be turned off. Five seconds for them to untangle from the quilt. Three seconds for them to make it into the bedroom. Fifty seven seconds for them to get naked. Ten thousand and eight hundred seconds for them to finish making love. All of this was time definitely well spent.


To be continued…