I woke up in the same position I fell asleep, with Ashley’s arms wrapped around me. Though it was still dark outside I looked over at the clock, in about two hours the sun would be rising. Panic sat in. I shifted, removing her arms from me slowly, trying not to wake her. I got out of bed as quietly as I could and walked across the room to get my clothes. “So you’re just going to run out while I’m asleep.”, I turned around at the sound of her voice. She was fully awake sitting on the edge of the bed. I turned back around, picking up my clothes. “You know that’s not right. I deserve more than that Spence.”, she added her voice a mixture of anger and sadness. “I’m leaving.”, I replied with my back still to her. “Oh no you don’t,“, I felt her behind me in an instant. She took me by the arm lightly and turned me around, “We both know this is bullshit.” “I need to go.”, I said looking at the floor. “Give me one reason why you need to go? Have I hurt you in some way?”, her voice filled with nothing but sadness now. It was then that I looked up at her and regretted it immediately. She looked so hurt, her eyes had lost their sparkle. I shook my head, looking down again. I couldn’t look at her. “Can you honestly look at me and say that you don’t feel anything?”, she exclaimed her voice a little louder. I looked up at her, my eyes telling her she already knew the answer. My eyes were beginning to get glossy as I fought the tears that I knew would soon be coming. “Spencer, I love you!”, I pulled away from her grasp. I turned my back to her again, “Please don’t say that unless you mean it.”, I said with a shaky small voice. I closed my eyes as tears began to fall. “Look at me Spence..”, she said softly, her voice like velvet. Her voice became closer, feeling her breath on the back of my neck. I felt my body tremble as she wrapped her arms around my waist, pressing her body to mine. She stood there holding me waiting for me to answer her. When I didn’t she tried again, “Baby..please look at me.”, I turned around and was surprised to see her brown eyes filled with tears too. “I’ve never meant something so much in my life. I…. am …so completely in love with you.”, Ashley said, bringing a hand up to touch my cheek. “I need to tell you something. There is a reason why I‘ve been acting this way.”, I said. Ashley looked into my eyes, silently telling me to continue. “I’ve never felt anything this intense before Ash. The moment our eyes locked I think I was gone and that scares the shit out of me.”, she frowned at this. “And at the same time it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.” “You know I’d never hurt you, Spence.”, she said with nothing but, honesty in her eyes. “And, I believe you when you say that Ash. It’s just I’ve been burned before. In high school, I met a girl, she was my… first. Someone I thought cared for me yet, she treated me badly for a long time. But, I stayed with her because I thought she loved me. Then I found out she had been cheating on me. It wasn’t just one time, it was multiple times…all with different girls. She was cheating on me the entire time we were together. She told me, it was my fault. Because, it took two months before I would have sex with her. She said I was just a challenge to her, she wanted to see how long she could get away with it. She told me it was a piece of cake because I was so trusting, I made it so easy for her. It almost killed me and it took a very long time for my heart to heal. I promised I wouldn’t be so trusting anymore, I would put up a wall between me and everyone. It was simple, to keep people at arms length. That was…until I met you. I know it’s not your fault but, the thought of it happening again scares me. Because I know that even in the short time I’ve known you, my feelings for you are ten times stronger than mine were for her and I was with her for a long time. She was my first, Ash. I let her in and she tore me apart.“, I let out a shaky breath before continuing. “That is why I’m so afraid. You have the ability to completely destroy me.”, I couldn’t help the tears that began to form in my eyes again. She noticed instantly, bringing a hand up to cup my cheek. I closed my eyes, letting a lone tear fall as I leaned into her touch. She leaned over pressing her lips to one eyelid then the other in perhaps the single most compassionate thing that anyone has ever done for me.