Chapter 8: Realizations & Journals

Ashley made her way home with the blonde flooding her thoughts. The blondes caring blue eyes, the blondes comforting hug, the blondes ability to make Ashley feel safety for once in seven years. Safety that was beheld by Ashley’s father and is now held by a small innocent blonde by the name of Spencer Carlin. Spencer Carlin, the name, face, and eyes that will haunt Ashley as she tries to put the razor onto her thigh for the first time. Sitting in her bath tub Ashley’s shaking hand is trying to cut a new wound, but she can’t seem to let the cold blade do it’s job in opening flesh. She threw the blade across the bathroom, wincing as the metal hit the cold surface below, making that lovely consistent ringing sound.

Ashley: "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

Ashley grabbed at her hair and furiously pulled.

Ashley: "God Damn you Spencer!"

She got up out of the bath tub and opened the bathroom door that led to her room.

Ashley: "(muttering) I have no fucking clue who the fuck you are Spencer but you just ruined my damn life. You know that? Ugh you fucking ugh!"

Ashley reached into dresser and shuffling through it and throwing out what wasn’t what she was looking for. Then, she felt the hardback cover of her journal. Her journal that held all of her happy times with her dad. It was the journal that held all of great times when she was a child. Something that hasn’t been touched, or who’s contents haven’t been exposed to eyes in seven long years. Ashley stared at the front of the journal, contemplating whether to open it and read of a long lost happy time. She sighed slowly opened the book and began reading. She read about all the wonderful times she had with her father. About how he accompanied her on her first ‘scary but fun’ roller coaster ride. She read about the times she sat by the pool while her father taught her how to play guitar, about his famous grilled cheese, his attempts to be cool, and just every small detail about how amazing her father was. As she read each journal entry the tears fell more and more staining the happy words with saddened tears. She then read the last entries date.