Ashley’s POV

“Are you leaving?” She asked. I turned to look at her.

“How can I stay?” I asked accusingly. “What do you want me to do Spence?”

“Look, can’t we just forget this ever happened.” Her voice cracked, and I can tell she’s crying.

“Forget…” I whisper sarcastically.

” After all your talk of honesty, you want me to forget! How can you say that Spence! After what just happened, after what we felt, YOU WANT ME TO FORGET!!” I cried out, unable to hold back my tears any longer.

She stood there in silence, just holding herself. Tears streaming down her face.

“I think” she whispered.”You should leave”

Her words went through me like a dagger, the pain crippling my body. I held her gaze, trying not to show the hurt she inflicted on me.

” If that’s what you want” I said trying to sound indifferent.

She came towards me, touching my face with her hand. A shudder of excitement raced through my body, and the phantom pains of that kiss burned through my mind. Our breathing became heavier with the contact. Her eyes turning a dark shade of indigo, filling her features with desire.

“No, I don’t want you to go.” She said, trying to hide the desire in her voice. ” I know we can’t pretent anymore either, but I think we both know what’ll happen tonight if you stay.”

She gave me a moment to digest this before continuing. ” I want to be with you Ash, but if you’re not ready for that…..then…..you should go.”

I placed, my hands around her waist, and pulled her close. I watched her eyes shut tight, as my fingers caressed the exposed skin on her lower back. I could tell she wanted me to stay. I wanted to stop hurting her and stop hurting myself, for once. I wanted so much, and in that moment it all came down to being with her, right at that moment.

Ask me to stay, I pleaded with her silently, searching her eyes.

“What about Jessica?” she asked as if reading my mind.

I dropped my arms to my sides, and pulled away from her. No matter how much I wanted her, I couldn’t be with her like this. She deserved better. Her eyes searched through mine to find some sort of explanation. I reached out and grabbed her hand.

” I can’t Spence.” I said, hoping she would understand. ” Not like this”

I leaned in placing a soft kiss on her forehead, I looked at her, and although she was crying, her eyes were full of understanding.

” See you tommorrow then?” She asked, trying her best to smile.

” You know it.” I turned around, and walked to the door. Placing my hand on the doorknob I turned to look at her once more “I’ll be two rooms over if you need me kay”

She nodded her head, in silent agreement, and I stepped out into the darkness.

I walked into Glenn’s room, and sat at on the edge of the bed, contemplating the events of the night. I shiverred as I touched my lips, still tasting Spencer’s warm vanilla lip gloss. Laying back, I reached for my cell phone, knowing what I had to do.

“Hello”

“Hey Jess”

“Hey baby, what are you still doing up.”

” Just couldn’t sleep. Can I ask you something?” I say, as I get up and begin to pace back and forth across the room.

“Sure babe.” She said

“Do you know me…. I mean do you really know me?” I ask.

” Are you okay ,Ash your…..”

“Just answer the question Jess.” I say cutting her off. I hear her sigh on the other end.

” We’ve been together for five years, I’m pretty sure I know you.” She says confidently.

” So tell me Jess, what do I like? What’s my favorite gum? Animal? What did I want to do in highschool? How many bones have I broken?”

There’s silence on the other end, I drop down on the bed, and hang my head in dissapointment.

“You have no idea do you” I place my head in my free hand, kicking myself for how stupid I can be. ” Are you even happy with me???” I ask

Still more silence.

“Jess? Are you happy with me? I repeat.

” Why are you asking me this?” She asks, a hurt tone in her voice.

” Because Jess. We’re getting married, in four months. I need to know why? Why do you want to marry me?” I ask, my voice searching for an answer. ” Do you love me, Jess? Because if you do, if you really do, I will hang up right now, and walk down that isle with you. But if there’s any part of you that feels like somethings missing, then you need to tell me!”

” Are you happy with me Ashley? Do you want to marry me?” She whispers, her voice catching in her throat.

” I……I don’t know” I say softly. She begins to cry on the other end, her sobs tearing me apart from the insides.

” Jess, don’t cry.” I whisper.

” I love you Ash, but I’m sick of this bullshit!” She says angrily.

” We’ve been together five years Ash, and it’s time to just cut our losses. Let’s face it…..huh…..I was always second best.”

“That’s not true.” I say knowing it’s a lie.

“Yes, it is.” she answers back. ” But thanks for trying.”

“So what does this mean?” I ask already knowing the answer.

” It means goodbye Ash.” She whispers

“Goodbye Jess.” I hear her put down the reciever, and I let the tears stream down my face. I wasn’t upset that the relationship was over, I was upset because I hurt her. I hurt someone I truly cared about, someone who in some sense I loved. I lay down on the bed, and rolled over to my side, letting the sound of my sobs rock me to sleep.
____________________________________________
Spencer’s POV.

“Yes, I need a one way ticket to South Africa, please.”

“And when would you like to fly out?”

” Tommorrow night.”